Overcoming Body Shaming

I want to address something that happened to me this weekend, as inappropriate comments were deleted by the person that posted them before I could fully respond.


I shared a photo of me in some new fabulous lingerie I purchased – it’s the piece I’m wearing in this photo. I loved the style & felt amazing in it (I still do). A woman left the following comments on my post:

“Why would any of you say that that outfit looks sexy there’s nothing sexy about being morbidly obese nor should you try to portray that as being sexy or healthy I’m not trying to be ignorant but seriously everyone’s first thought was wow why would you even try to get into something like that?  Why try to portray morbidly obese and big girls like it’s ok its not in [sic] lost 130 lax because I was unhealthy and being big being fat it [sic] not attractive nor healthy nor posting pics like that and anyone that sits there and thinks this is attractive and pushes this to be ok is wrong.”

This woman decided to make another comment:

“Cover up and workout there’s so many pretty big girls that if they lost weight would be beautiful I don’t agree with any of this Im sorry”

[Lack of punctuation is hers.  I copied this exactly as she sated.]

I am shocked and sadden that someone that has been following me for MANY years would say such a thing — to the LEADER of a self love and body positive group where we celebrate and champion ALL women regardless of what they look like.

I do not judge others. I accept them for who they are, as they are.
I will not; however, tolerate such negativity and judgement from other people. If you do not agree with my approach or the way I showcase women, you can see yourself right off of this page. I do not wish to have myself or my tribe infiltrated with such hostility.

I want to make the following statement about the comments themselves. I will preface this by saying that I have studied heavily in the self love & body positive space.

-I am a certified self love life coach (spent over a year in an in-depth program).
-I am a licensed body positive facilitator (had in depth trainings on shifting viewpoints).
-I have studied the Health at Every Size movement for years.
-I have taken numerous workshops from doctors, health professionals and therapists around these topics.
-I read a shit ton of literature – books, psychology magazines, medical journals.

plus size woman in red lingering overcoming body shaming

Health or lack thereof is NOT determined simply by looking at someone’s body shape & size. Trust me – I was much more unhealthy at 140 pounds than I am at my weight now. You cannot see a body and make assumptions about what food they eat, how often they eat, whether they are healthy, whether they workout. Assumptions are more destructive than you realize.

Sexy is not a size, it’s not a body shape, it’s not curves, it’s not big breasts. It’s a feeling, a mindset. I can feel sexy in whatever I wear at any moment. I hear often from clients that their photo shoot helped them realize that sexy doesn’t have anything do with their size and shape. Mission accomplished. Sexy is a state of mind for everyone, regardless of what you look like!

Just because you wouldn’t wear it, doesn’t mean I can’t!!! You don’t have to look at me and think I’m sexy, only I do. Because I define what that is for me, not you.
You can continue to scroll on past any posts or photos that you don’t agree with without leaving negative, hurtful and extremely judgmental comments.

Why do I post photos of myself?
1 – to help others realize how normal their bodies are. We mostly only see one body type represented as something to strive for, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Some women push themselves to near death trying to look a certain way, and I want to be a voice that says, “HOLD UP! We all look different. Your body is beautiful!”
2 – to help others see that self confidence comes in all body sizes. If I can do it, so can they!
3 – to push myself to continue to love and accept WHO I am, which has nothing to do with the way I look. I hated myself at 390 pounds and I hated myself at 140. I work every day on being a strong, confident woman who can do anything she wishes.

Does this stuff hurt me?
Yes and no.
Yes, because someone in my positive online space made the comments.
Yes, because I’ve worked hard to love and accept myself, yet, people can still hate on you for just trying to motivate and encourage others.
No, because you can’t say anything to me that I haven’t already said to myself.

What your fat phobic comments do?
– they cause those with depression and anxiety to retreat further.
– they do not motivate people to workout and lose weight. The opposite may even happen.
– They make me want to make my voice louder!

If you can’t look at a normal body (one with cellulite, stretch marks, back fat, rolls, fat, lumps and bumps) without cringing and making a negative comment, even in your head, then you have some serious fat phobia that you need to address. My body doesn’t have to look a certain way, it’s not here to be visually pleasing to you. No one owes you a body shape, a certain weight, a smaller waist. I suggest reading up on Health at Every Size and doing a deeper look internally as to why someone who is showcasing how good they feel causes you to be so negative and hurtful.

Finally, being “healthy” is not a prerequisite to self love! Even if I was unhealthy, I could still be capable of loving myself, wearing something that makes me feel good, and sharing about that experience with other women. Because I love myself, I can accept myself for all that I am right now in this moment. Having self love though doesn’t mean I don’t want to work on parts of myself – it just means that I am wholeheartedly OK if those parts of me don’t change.

To all you amazing women:
Your body.Your business. Period.



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